How to help a friend
If someone is in immediate danger, or if there is an emergency, call 911.
Safety first. Be cautious about sharing materials about domestic abuse or sending emails or text messages on the subject.
Listen. Relationship abuse can be a very isolating experience. Listen with respect and patience. Be there for her.
Don’t judge. Questions such as, “Why don’t you just leave?” may come across as blaming instead of as supportive. If a woman decides to stay in the relationship, try not to judge her or take away your friendship. Having a safe, non-judgemental person who respects her, might be the most valuable thing you can offer.
Remind her that she is not to blame. No matter the reason, violence and abuse are never okay.
Remind her that abuse is not shameful. Domestic violence is more common than most people assume. It cuts across income and education levels, social classes, and religious and ethnic groups.
Help her make a safety plan in advance. Support your friend in developing a safety plan for herself and her children or refer her to an organization that can help her do this safely. Auberge Shalom and other shelters are available for her and her children, as well as to help you help her.
Take care of yourself too. It can be frustrating, painful and even scary to see someone we care about caught in an abusive relationship. Be aware of your own emotional needs - take care of yourself so you can help others.
For more information on how to help someone you know call: Auberge Shalom’s hotline for free, confidential support, 24 hours a day at 514-731-0833
“My neighbour really helped me. She didn’t judge me or make me feel like it was my fault. She helped me realize I was in an unhealthy relationship and helped me think about what to do. She was there for me and listened when I needed her. Just having someone know my story made a big difference.”